So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
