I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
