I just cut my nipple shaving
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
