girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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