She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
