You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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