you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
PANTIES FOUND
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