I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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