did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
