I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize