mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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