I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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