Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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