Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Everything about him screamed your future.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
