just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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