Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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