opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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