You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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