I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
