so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
