And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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