Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
