the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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