if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize