i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
