Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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