I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
