She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
