He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
