genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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