Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
