I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
