his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
