Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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