I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he was CRYING into my vagina
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
