You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
