i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
