That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
