you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
