I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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