Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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