sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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