when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
