she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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