just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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