the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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