this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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