She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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