mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize