god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
