On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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