google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
