if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
