Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
