we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
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We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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