if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
