Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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