I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
