You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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