It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
