She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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