idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
