Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
