she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
