you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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