Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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