I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
