Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Small penises have feelings too.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
