NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
