For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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