I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
