Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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