after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
